Forgive Me
by Anniepaulie
Summary: An alternative ending to Love Bites. PJ.


**Forgive Me**

**Note:** Written for a challenge at PoTL. The requirements were a closed door, a broken promise and to be written in first person. It's from Joey's POV, and it's set at the end of Love Bites. Lyrics from song Forgive me, by Evanescence. It's also the first nookie I ever wrote, so I call it, the cherry fic.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. The characters are property of Kevin Williamson and the lyrics are all Evanecence's.

_Can you forgive me again?__  
__I don't know what I said__  
__But I didn't mean to hurt you__  
__I heard the words come out__  
__I felt that I would die__  
__It hurt so much to hurt you__  
__Then you look at me__  
__You're not shouting anymore__  
__You're silently broken__  
__I'd give anything now__  
__to kill those words for you_

So here I am, staring at his door, trying to find some courage to knock and face him again. Why do I always have to go on the same vicious circle and push away good things in my life? Maybe because I know I will loose them anyway. See, I lost Mom to cancer, then Dad to prison. Dawson, somehow I lost him much time before the whole drama when he found out about Pacey and I, the essence of our friendship had been ruined a lot before that. Pacey…I kept pushing him away during all the time we dated, even though I never admitted that. When he broke up with me, all my fears came to reality, all that I love goes away. Therefore, it's easier to keep myself away from them, a vain attempt to avoid suffering. This brings me back to the latest events of tonight. A long ago, Pacey told me I could never be really happy, 'because I wanted relationships that were never real. (Right after driving all the way to Boston to rescue me from my ill-fated night with college boy and before the kiss that would turn our fragile world upside down). I guess I still act like that sixteen-year-old girl. And tonight I know I hurt him more than I could ever do. I broke a promise made to him a long time ago.

_"So, hypothetically speaking, if I ever found my self on a sailboat again and asked the woman I love to come with me, would she?"___

_"You wouldn't have to ask, Pace."_

One can say there's no boat to go sailing, but boats were always a metaphor for our relationship. We built our friendship and our love around True Love, when the boat sank; it was like the beginning of the end for us. When he broke up with me, he sailed away on a boat, taking part of me with him. This time, he asked for another chance, although I told him he wouldn't have to and I pushed him away the meanest way possible. _"I don't feel it, Pacey"._ It was not the first time I ever broke a promise made to him, but when he came back saying he still owed me a dance, I saw so much pain in his eyes, pain that I've caused. I felt bad when I lied to Dawson about having sex with him, another broken promise, but this felt a hundred times worse. I jumped off the boat even before it leaves the dock. And he knew the reason, I do push away good things in my life. And I told him it was for Eddie, for God's sake.

What the hell is wrong with me? Eddie? I knew the moment Pacey left me at Hailey's dance that I had done the worst choice in my life. However, I tried to convince myself that Eddie was the guy I love. But then again, I was looking for the fantasy relationship. I went to his house, and the moment he kissed me, memories came floating to my head, and in all of them the pain I saw in Pacey's blue eyes was there haunting me. It was what made me realize that I don't wanna fantasy anymore and I don't wanna run away from good things anymore. I wanna reality. Pacey's my reality. I broke the kiss, hugging Eddie.

"Eddie, I think you should go back to LA…"

"I thought when you came here…"

"I needed to see it for myself, Eddie, but this, this is never going to work."

"I guess this is a good bye kiss then."

"Yes, it is. Good bye, Eddie." Then I left, relieved, knowing that I was at least running to love, not away from it.

I tried to call Pacey several times, but the answering machine picked all times. I know he's not going to answer me, and if I were him , I wouldn't wanna see my face for a while. But I can't let him do it. I wanna go on that boat again, for good, and if he doesn't want me to, I will go swimming after him, until he's convinced that I regret what I did tonight. That's really easy to say, but I can't even find the strength to knock at his door. Oh, c'mon, do it by once, Potter, I tell myself.

He opens the door and I can tell by his breath he has been drinking. He tries to slam it on my face, but I don't let him.

"Pacey, please," I beg.

"What do you want, Potter? You ripped off my heart tonight; you have to rub in it a little more? Or you came to pour salt on my wounds by telling me about how wonderful was your reunion with Eddie guy?" He asks me bitterly and leaves the door opened, pouring himself some more vodka.

"You are drunk!" I say, defeated by his words, knowing he has all rights to be pissed off, but in a way relieved, he let me in, as I close the door behind me.

"Flashing news to you, huh? Tell me something I don't know, Jo," he drinks his glass in one sip, without looking at me. He falls on the couch, turning the monstrous TV on.

"I'm sorry, Pace."

"You really thing that by saying 'I'm sorry' you can erase all the past?"

"Pacey, I was wrong ok? I knew the moment I told you those things, but you know I'm stubborn to admit it, especially to you."

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn anymore on what you say or don't." He keeps his gaze fixed at the TV.

"You don't give a damn? So I must assume there's no reason for you to get drunk tonight?" I can't hold the sarcasm in my voice.

"Joey, I'm really tired of all this…I can't keep on putting my heart on a line for you to step on it, I can't do this to myself anymore. So go back to your Eddie and let me here, I guarantee I will survive."

"No, I won't, Pace, you know why? There's no Eddie guy, Pacey, there never was really." I kneel before him, trying to look at his face.

"What the fuck you wanna say here, Jo? I'm tired of you playing games with my heart, my head."

"I'm taking all back, Pace."

"Taking what back?" He is now looking at me.

"What I said tonight, Pacey…You were right, I pushed you away, 'cause I don't like dealing with reality, and you are too real for me and what I feel…"

"Wait a sec, Jo, you don't feel it, isn't it?" He adds ironically.

"I lied, Pace. I still feel it. I've felt it for so long, although I tried to deny it, refused to acknowledge it, but I still feel it," I say, fighting back the tears.

"Feel what, Jo? The need to hurt me?"

"I feel alive when I'm with you," I feel the tears running; I can't fight them anymore. I put my hand on his knee to find some support.

He stands up, almost making me fall. He goes and opens the door.

"Joey, please, leave. I can't do this anymore."

"No, Pacey, I won't leave," I stand in front of him, my eyes scanning his, trying to find some compassion in them and finding none. "I love you."

"I don't believe in you anymore," he says coldly. "Now go," he grabs my arm, trying to push me out his place.

I put my arms over his shoulders, burying my head in the space between his head and his neck.

"Please, Pacey, listen to me…" I whisper through my tears.

_Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."__  
__But somehow I know that you will never need me again___

_'Cause you were made for me__  
__Somehow I'll make you see__  
__How happy you make me__  
__I can't live this life__  
__Without you by my side__  
__I need you to survive__  
__So stay with me__  
__You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.__  
__Can you forgive me again__  
__you're my one true friend__  
__and I never meant to hurt you_

He pushes me away, but suddenly he holds me again, it seems that my body against his spoke louder than anything else I could say. I feel his mouth on mine, his tongue parting my lips, demanding, his teeth biting my lips, but I don't care, I know he needs to release all the anger and frustration I caused. He closes the door with his foot, and presses me against it. I feel his hands running roughly all over my body, and I can't stand still anymore. I start to unbutton his shirt, feeling the skin beneath my fingers when I get rid of it. He takes it as a cue, and soon most of my clothes are being thrown away all over the place. He manages to unclasp my bra, and his mouth finds its descending way, first sucking and licking my throat and then a feel him pinch my nipples, and his tongue tasting them. I moan softly, when I hear his tormented whisper.

"Joey, make me stop, please, 'cause I can't."

I lift his head, for the first time our eyes meet each other's.

"I don't want you to stop, ever," I reply huskily.

He kisses me again, but now there's no anger anymore in his kisses, it's tender, loving, it's still passionate, but the anger's gone away. He lifts me in his arms, taking me to his bedroom. We take off the rest of the clothes that still remained, not a word spoken, but the way our hands touch each other talk about love and forgiveness. I run my hand on his chest, learning again the lines of his body, I kiss very place my hand touches, making him groan. I feel his arousal; I touch him, stoking him slowly, and lower my head so I can have him in my mouth, teasing him with my tongue, while my hands grab his ass. I feel his hands on my hair, trying to pull me off, so I look into his eyes and again, without a word I know what he wants. I lay back down and he comes over me, kissing my throat, my breasts, making me shiver and moan uncontrollably. I feel his fingers searching between my legs, teasing me, I feel him slide a finger then two inside of me, and I close my eyes, feeling the tingling all over. He kisses his way down , and soon his fingers are replaced by his tongue, teasing me, tasting me, I try to fight it, but I can't, I feel my orgasm running all over my body. He comes over me with a grin on his face, kissing all his way back to my mouth.

"So you don't feel it, huh?" He whispers.

"Pacey, don't tease me now…I need you…" I reply panting.

He lets out a chuckle, searches his nightstand for a condom, but I stop him.

"No, Pacey…" I buck my hips against his.

"But, Jo...we need it," he manages to speak.

"No, we don't, I've been on the pill for a while."

It's all that it takes…I finally feel him filling me. We hold each other's hands as he thrusts slowly at first and then faster as the need of release rises. Soon I'm coming again, and he soon follows me, crying out my name. We don't change our position. He stands over me for a while, as we try to catch our breaths back. He raises his head from my neck, his hand takes off a strand of hair that is over my face like he did the very first time we made love, his eyes full of the same love I saw that night. He smiles and rolls over, but brings me close to his heart as we snuggle together.

"So, I guess I am forgiven, huh?" I look at his face adoringly and smile.

"You'll be the death of me one day, Potter," he sighs.

"You knew I would come back, didn't you?" I tease.

"This time, I didn't…I had hope that sense would hit you in one way or another and you would be here, begging for my love," he winks at me.

"You find yourself irresistible, don't you?" I hit his chest lightly.

"Not for all, just for you," he gives me his best cocky smile.

"Oh, you big…." I try to say something, but his mouth comes over mine in a searing kiss.

"I love you, Jo…I know I might regret this, I know I might get my heart broken all over again, but God help me, I want you like this forever."

"I want this too, Pace. I love you."

He holds me tighter, kisses my forehead gently, and puts the comfort over us. Soon we both drift to sleep, the first peaceful sleep I had in ages. I know we will have tough times in front of us, but it doesn't matter anymore, as long we're together, I feel like I can face everything. I wake up the morning after still in his arms. I tilt my head a little from his shoulder to meet his eyes.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning" I kiss him softly. "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough to convince myself that I wasn't dreaming…" I feel his hands wandering as he kisses me, the kiss soon escalating more and more passionate, when we hear something.

"Holy shit!!!" Jack's voice comes from the doorframe from Pacey's room.

We both raise our heads, breaking the kiss and trying to cover us the best we can, to face Jack, Jen and Dawson staring at us, mouths opened in surprise. I blush, feeling that I turned seven shades of red all over my body and I can say Pacey is as well as embarrassed as me. I look at them and smile open wide.

"Jackers, can you please close this door? We are in the middle of something here." I know they're shocked, but I prefer to ignore that, I have more important things to do. I turn back to Pacey and look to him devilishly.

"So where were we?" I kiss his neck and nip his earlobe.

"Jo, they are all out there…," he groans, trying to resist.

"Pacey, can you please shut up and kiss me?"

And that he happily obeyed.


End file.
